The request was printed at the bottom of a recent invitation to a birthday party for a two-year-old Toronto girl.

Lynne McCombes, whose daughter Fiona was the birthday girl, had a host of reasons for making the polite appeal.

“We all have too much stuff,” McCombes said. “She gets so many toys from family and friends. And I think the sentiment is lost with so many presents at parties.”

It’s a feeling shared by a growing number of parents who fear the spirit of the occasion can be buried under an avalanche of brightly wrapped presents. It can be overwhelming – both for the children and their parents, who need to find room in their compact Toronto homes to house all these toys.

And how many toys does a child really need? Kids often bypass overflowing toy bins to play with a few treasured favourites. Fiona, a sweet, spirited and imaginative girl, is very often content to play errands while tooling around the house with a toy shopping cart, a purse and a pair of pink, jewelled specs.

Cost is also a consideration, especially in this uncertain economy. Parent often invite their child’s entire class or playgroup to the party to ensure everyone is included in the festivities. This often means they can expect just as many return invitations, requiring a number of pricy trips to the toy store. Many parents also feel pressured to host lavish or elaborately themed parties, which can see costs spiral out of control.

Parents are also increasingly conscious of the environmental waste that piles up with plastic toys, packaging, ribbons and wrapping.

A group of parents in St. Paul, Minnesota created the website Birthdays Without Pressure, which offers a long list of ideas for scaling back kids’ parties, including asking for donations to a favourite charity in lieu of gifts or urging guests to bring something small and creative, such as seeds for the garden or photos for a scrapbook.

For her daughter’s party, McCombes asked guests to bring one wrapped children’s book. At the end of the party – held at a kid-friendly gymnasium, complete with pizza and cake – each child chose a wrapped book from the pile to take home. The Toronto mom also skipped the traditional loot bag, which are often filled with dollar-store toys that quickly end up in the trash. She handed out fresh-baked gingerbread cookies instead.

A glimpse at some internet chat rooms, though, and the issue of gift-free birthday parties is not so clear. Many parents simply ignore the appeal and send a present with their child to the party, leaving those who have followed the request to feel cheap and embarrassed.

The issue has similarly divided so-called etiquette experts. Abigail Van Buren, who writes as Dear Abby, is firm: “No gifts means exactly what is says,” she wrote in a 2004 column. But Judith Martin, who writes as Miss Manners, believes “no instructions about presents, even negative instructions, belong on an invitation. The host is not supposed to be thinking of the possibility of getting stuff from his guests.” Martin said it’s up to guests to decide if they want to bring a present.

To gift or not to gift – that is the question. While many parents grapple with this dilemma, there are a few party favourites that will never change – family, friends, cake, candles and the hope that birthday wishes will come true.

-- Sarah Green

   sarahg@babyontheway.ca