The teasing comment, from a female relative, came with a knowing pat on my hips when I was 20 weeks pregnant with my son Oliver, who turns two next month.

At the time, I was sporting a curvier body thanks to a few extra pounds and a small, round baby bump. But I was feeling good about my pregnancy and I was excited about the changes to come. That is until someone had to point out my weight gain.

Here’s a news flash – no one likes to be reminded they’re putting on weight. And few people would ever call attention to their coworkers or acquaintances when they’ve put on a few pounds. But those rules don’t seem to apply to pregnant women who are inundated for months with exclamations about their size: “Wow! You’re getting big!”

What is it about pregnancy that makes people lose their manners?

One Toronto mom, who gained about 80 pounds when she was pregnant with twins, will never forget one insensitive remark from a former colleague: “You look like you’re pregnant in the front and in the back.”

(The mom, whose twin girls are now three, had the last laugh. She lost all her baby weight – and then some—and is now in the best shape of her life.)

Another Toronto mom, while pregnant with her first child, said the cafeteria ladies at her former workplace would make silly comments about her food selections as she paid for lunch at the cash register.

“’Oh, does baby want some cake? Baby must need cake,’” the mom recalled. “No, I want cake and not a running commentary about everything I put in my mouth.”

When they’re not discussing your pregnancy – no topic is off limits, no question too personal, it seems – acquaintances, colleagues, even complete strangers are sharing all the intimate, even horrific details of their own pregnancies and childbirths. While most expectant moms are only too eager to talk about pregnancy, there are boundaries. And they generally don’t want to hear graphic accounts of haemorrhoids, episiotomies, emergency c-sections or post-natal incontinence, particularly from the stranger on the next treadmill.

Speaking of boundaries, it seems there are no boundaries when it comes to your belly. During pregnancy, your condition is so pronounced that it is treated as public property. And few people can resist the lure of a pregnant belly.

Now 33 weeks pregnant with my second child, I understand the attraction. I must rub my stomach a thousand times a day, savouring its lovely roundness and the occasional kick. But it’s my belly. I’m allowed to touch it. It’s simply uncomfortable when anyone other than a loved one or a medical professional lays their hands on my stomach. Even when they ask permission first.

So far I’ve been patted down by women at the gym and neighbours down the street. While I appreciate their kind words and enthusiasm, their hands have strayed, albeit gently, into my personal space. Here’s a good rule of thumb – if you didn’t touch my belly before I was pregnant, it’s probably not a good idea to do so now.

Perhaps it’s hormones that are making me so cranky – or the record-setting heat we’ve seen in Toronto over the past week. But I think most expectant women – particularly those in the last few uncomfortable weeks of their pregnancies – would rather hear a generic compliment than a frank appraisal of their appearance. A simple “you look wonderful” can go a long way.

-- Sarah Green

   sarahg@babyontheway.ca