When it comes to pregnancy, Hollywood movies seldom strive for gritty realism. More often than not, the nine months between conception and delivery are boiled down to a series of sight gags, from tug-of-wars over pregnancy tests to uncontrollable food cravings.

I went with a group of friends – all of us moms, although I’m the only one currently pregnant – to a recent VIP screening of The Back-Up Plan, a predictable, yet entertaining romantic comedy starring Jennifer Lopez as a hopelessly single woman who decides to have a baby on her own, undergoes artificial insemination, then meets-cute the man of her dreams.

We had the movie theatre to ourselves so we were able to compare notes – and a few laughs – about our own pregnancies versus JLo’s pre-natal ups and downs. Predictably, our pregnancies were a little less glamorous.

For starters, none of us maintained perfectly coiffed, Brigitte Bardot hair and glossed lips throughout our pregnancies. And none of us entertained wearing stiletto heels as our due date rolled around – while carrying twins, no less.

There were other clichés, including the requisite early pregnancy vomiting scene (although only about  60% of moms to be suffer from morning sickness) and the late night, fast food binge of McNuggets and ice cream. There was also the dramatic water-breaking scene – in The Back-Up Plan, it was during a wedding conga line – to usher the start of labour. Cue the coached shallow breathing.

One howler of a cliché saw JLo’s friend describing her state of constant arousal during each of her four pregnancies. She once even had an orgasm on a cross-town bus. Um, not so much.

But among the clichés, there were some real moments as well which stopped the movie from sliding into parody territory. In one scene, she tears through her closet, venting she has nothing to wear in that uncomfortable stage when regular clothes are too small and maternity clothes are too big. She later laments the loss of her pre-pregnancy body, even digging through old photos to find pictures of her famous derriere.

There were evenings when she passed out from the bone-wearying fatigue of early pregnancy and then there was the pillow. Any pregnant woman who has slept with a body pillow knows how wonderful they are. And, as in the movie, there truly is no separating a pregnant woman from her body pillow.

There are other movies that manage to include a few real moments amid the pregnancy clichés. In She’s Having a Baby, a 1988 comedy with Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth McGovern, a newly married couple struggle with infertility. Without sacrificing laughs, the movie shows how trying to conceive a baby can often be as sexy as filing a tax return.

In one scene, McGovern’s character calls her husband into the bedroom, saying her temperature is right and she’s ovulating. “Here’s to successful fertilization,” she tells her husband. “You can watch TV if you get bored.” In a later scene, Bacon’s character quietly laments the growing changes to his wife’s body, holding up a lacy pair of his wife’s pre-pregnancy underwear, then a big pair of cotton maternity briefs. Any dad-to-be who has sorted laundry has had this moment.

In last year’s Away We Go, an expectant couple in their early 30s embark on a road trip to find a place to call home and raise their child. Early on, they question their readiness to have children. “We’re not screw-ups,” father-to-be Burt, played by John Krasinski, reassures his partner Verona, played by Maya Rudolph. “We have a cardboard window,” she responds.

Burt is also repeatedly asked to reassure a very pregnant Verona that his feelings for her are unchanged, despite the dramatic changes to her body. (I think I had this conversation last night.) “I’ll always love you,” he tells Verona, “even if it takes you months to lose this weight. Even if you’re enormous. Go ahead, you can write that in stone.”

Another favourite pregnancy movie scene is in Juno where the 16-year-old title character, played by Canadian Ellen Page, tells her dad and step-mother she’s pregnant. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry...And if it is any consolation, I have heartburn that is radiating in my knee caps and I haven’t taken a dump since like Wednesday...morning.”

Cue knowing nods from a theatre of pregnant women.

What are your favourite (and realistic) pregnancy movies?

-- Sarah Green

   sarahg@babyontheway.ca