These are the number of days I have to plan for my son’s third birthday.

These are also the number of days I have to endure the terrible twos.

The terrible twos – one of the most dreaded childhood phases – seemed to rear its ugly head overnight. One day Oliver was my sweetly obedient boy, more prone to smiles than tears. The next he was shouting “No!” and throwing his toys or collapsing in teary fits of rage with little or no provocation.

At first I tried to chalk up his outbursts to the big life changes Oliver has endured this summer. One month after moving to a new house, Oliver became a big brother and discovered he no longer had his parents’ undivided attention. These events may have added fuel to the fire, but I suspect the changes in his behaviour are the product of the terrible twos.

“This much-maligned stage has a somewhat deserved reputation for being one of the two most stressful periods in the parent-child relationship (the other occurring the child’s early adolescence),” writes psychologist and parenting guru John Rosemond in his book, Making the Terrible Twos Terrific, “but it doesn’t have to be.”

Nothing can make you feel more helpless or frustrated as a parent than when your child throws himself to the floor, arches his back, flails his legs and screams inconsolably. Particularly when this happens in public.

Oliver threw one such tantrum yesterday afternoon as I tucked him in for his afternoon nap. The cause? He objected to taking off his running shoes. Another recent tantrum began when I brought Oliver upstairs as I took his baby brother to the nursery for a diaper change. I didn’t want to leave Oliver unsupervised while I was up to my elbows in a dirty diaper. Oliver disagreed and I have a dent in my hardwood floor – the result of a thrown toy truck – to prove it.

“Let’s get something straight,” Rosemond writes. “This behaviour, no matter how extreme, is normal for this age. We’re talking about children who think they’re the centre of the universe for gosh sakes. From their charming, but thoroughly deluded point of view, no one has the right to tell them what to do, or deny them what they want, or even delay giving it to them.”

There are ways of dealing with toddler behaviour without screaming, threatening or giving in to their every whim, Rosemond says. One key step is child-proofing the home. Rather than spending their days battling with their toddlers over things they can’t touch and cupboards they can’t open, Rosemond says parents need to make the home safe for curious two-year-olds who are hard-wired to explore their environments.

 Latch cabinets, block off stairways, cover electrical outlets and put valuables out of reach. By doing this, Rosemond argues parents are not giving in to their toddlers, but safely accommodating their curiosity. Besides, toddlers aren’t able to distinguish between the things they can touch and the things they can’t.

Rosemond also urges parents to limit TV time – “television watching prevents him from learning to occupy his time creatively and constructively,” the psychologist writes – and to avoid overwhelming toddlers with too many store-bought toys.

Parents need to speak clearly to their toddlers when they’re disciplining them or setting limits, Rosemond says. A toddler may not understand don’t – as in “Don’t climb on the furniture!” – but they do understand “get down” or even a firm “no.” Don’t use 50 words  when five will do.

And while toddlers can understand simple instructions, they don’t comprehend explanations. It’s enough to tell them to get off the furniture without detailing your concerns they will fall and get hurt, the psychologist writes.

And if picking up toys or other thrown objects is likely to spark a battle of wills, Rosemond tells parents to use a little patience. Wait until your toddler wants something, such as a story or a snack. Then prompt them to pick up their toys before fulfilling their demand. It may not always work, but you’ll be delighted when it does.